So, did you enjoy that solar eclipse yesterday ? I wished I had seen it but at Rodez we had a grey and cloudy sky. At a point it was getting darker, but it’s as if nothing had happened. I was a bit disappointed. So I told myself that I’d really be looking foward to tomorrow, spring would be here. ~ Second clic ~
Spring, a lot of people are waiting for it. I think I’ll be waiting for it more impatiently than I have the past years because Elianor’s birthday is on the 27th and springs announces it. I found that awesome to give everyone one the due date to everyone I knew because I was often told she was going to come with spring. The symbolic in that was great. At the bginning of my pregnancy the due date was actually fixed to the 21st, but 4 months into it it turned out to become the 28th.
Even if I lost the symbolic of D Day, her birth was still planned for spring there were actually more chances for her to be born in spring because some of those sneaky babies arrive sooner than we expect them to. And she did arrive sooner (one day doesn’t really count after 41 weeks I know). But more than a particular day all that mattered was the arrival of a new member of the family, especially that she was the first child. ~ Third clic ~
What about that First clic ?
It only happened because of a long « conversation » I had with Monsieur. And that’s where things get complicated. Because an eclipse or a due date were easy. For the other bit I was putting all of my hopes into one precise thing. I would only focus on that. Hopes became expectation and that led to disappointment. I’d see signs everywhere, imagined allusions when there were none, would take in the wrong way any mention of the thing and would even see provocation when the subject was mentioned especially by other people. I kept the best part for the end : I’m talking marriage.
Let’s add to that the fact that I’m regularly asked when we’re planning it. That every month I get the update of who got married lately. That people always like reminding me that administratively speaking it would be better if we did get married. I thought that we could see the tightness in my jaw or har my teeth grind but apparently not. People seem so good in speaking of things that do not concern them.
I have been feeling a lot better since we have talked. Or I should say since he begged me to talk to him, to open up to him, to tell him what I had on my mind and wouldn’t mention. I am not proud of myself. I had a lot of anger bottled up, for me everyone but the one who should be interested in it would mention marriage to me. I didn’t want to see his point of view because I was too centered on my own.
Since our conversation I don’t see allusions all over the place anymore. And I do realize it’s a topic that is discussed a lot and I can’t be mad at the whole world from wanting the same thing I do, but a part of me still wishes for people to respect other people’s lives. 😉
Note to myself : Don’t put all of your hopes into one event, or one thing. Be ready to pick yourself up because everything doesn’t always happen the way you planned it to or the way want it to.