A big hello to all of you !
I was counting the days when I stopped publishing articles up on my blog and after two weeks, I stopped because « I didn’t have time » . Looking back I have to say it’s not true, I didn’t give myself the time to do so. Actually along with getting back to work I still had stuff happening here at home. Although everything was turned upside down everything was ok. But as soon as I got used to my teacher’s position I got a cold shower.
For those of you who remember my first note, I used the metaphor of being a long still river. Two weeks ago I arrived in tumultuous waters. Emotionally. Psychologically too.I was hospitalized and operated n April and I thought that I was done with it and could move on. It’s what I did by accepting that job in a junior high school. But it wasn’t over. On the contrary. But that’s life ! And I had learned : don’t feel bad for yourself. Yes, that note I remembered it and still do by the way.
So I fell into another trap : I felt guilty. So many nice things had occured that I felt that what happened was due to me, my actions after having been blessed so much. And no I am not joking. It’s a really old trap and I didn’t think any better than falling into it.
And – as if it weren’t enough – I didn’t want to think about the problem I was being confronted with so I shut myself it adopting a daily routine so intense I didn’t have time to think and could only dream of sleeping once the night came. It worked… for a couple of weeks… ~ First clic ~
Luckily for me there are people watching over me and who lend an ear when I need it. Sylvain and both of my parents opened my eyes. Blaming myself, feeling guilty wasn’t what I was supposed to feel, if people were really punished for what they had done, thought, said a lot of people wouldn’t be around and the world would be a better place to live in.
While talking to my dad on the phone yesterday evening he reminded me of the story of Job. I am not comparing myself to Job, but being reminded of the story was a good thing. Nothing happens without reason, God doesn’t give us hardship we can’t overcome. ~ Second clic ~
So I started feeling guilty again because when I thought life was so miserable others were going through so much more and my physical condition is under control. So there I was repeating the same mistake I was making two weeks ago. ~ Third clic ~
Note to myself : Do not fall into the trap of guilt. It’s like trying to swim countercurrent in tumultuous waters. Accept you are facing a challenge, learn to move foward and keep on your journey.