See, sense

Voir, percevoirIt’s been months that Elianor has been marveling, smiling, laughing, babbling when seeing her reflection in the miror and I never get tired of seeing her do so. Seeing her discovering what a miror brought almost as much joy to to me than her to discover it. I have to admit that when I have her on my knees she tends to push on the window key again and again because she understood that it sent back to the modern UI. Since she was born my wallpapers have often changed  yet the model remains the same : my baby. She is fascinated by her image in a good way. A smile will soon turn into laughing or screaming depending on whether I’ll let her continue or no.

I surely like taking pictures of her as much as she likes to look at them after. And she has already understood that cell phones ans cameras are used to take pictures. Selfies won’t have any secrets for her soon.And I don’t put her deliberately in front of the computer, I don’t hand her my cell phone, and I absolutely will not let her touch our camera. But as I was saying she’s fascinated by her own image.

« It’s funny she reacts like that ! » It’s what I told myself. One day I asked myself : « Why does she react like that ? »
I had just asked myself that question that others followed : « When will she lose that habit ? », « Why do I avoid my own image ? » because it’s that point which fascinates me. She is adorable, cute (and a bunch of qualificatives of the same kind) when she sees herself in a miror. You can see that she likes looking at herself, that she appreciates her own image, that she loves being represented on the wallpaper of my computer or cell phone. And as cute as it gets, from my point of view it wouldn’t last long. But why should it be ? Why would she have to stop liking something as natural than her own reflection, her representation ? ~ First clic ~

I am a bad example because I am the stereotyped woman that can’t stand seeing any kind of representation of herself, will run away from anything that looks like a camera, who will only look at the advancement of make up on her face and not at the whole picture of her face. But even without taking someone as extreme as I am we know that everyone one has a complex. And we do hear that often that everyone has a complexe about at least one thing. In tests found in magazines you’re almost bound to find the famous « Amongst the following choices which of these make you complex the most ? »

Unfortunately everything comes down to the image we have of ourselves. The image have does not match with the image we would like to have because we know we live in a world dominated by norms, norms we don’t meet.
O evil occidental world, vile consumption society, down with the media implementing clichés and norms ! Blah blah blah… Even if an important part of the image we have of ourselves matches expectations that people, society, etc. might have another part (probably the most important whether we want to recognize it or not) simply comes from the image we have of ourselves. Me, as an individual. How do I see myslef ? What is my place in this world ? What do people think of me ? When we grom up we lose that innocence a baby has when looking at iltself. We feel and are judged on a daily basis. But the person who judged us the most, is not the popular girl you had (or have) in class with you, it’s not your best friend who turned her back to you because you were both growing apart, it’s not your neighbor, neither a passerby, nor that man you’ll never see again sitting across of you in the bus. It’s you. ~ Second clic ~

I am – to my own regret – my biggest and worst judge. I am the one who didn’t want to see her own reflection because it was not perfect, fat, ugly. And even if we know we fall for it. We can get compliments from our loved ones it doesn’t chant anything. ~ Third clic ~ 

You know what ? It’s been a year I haven’t fled the camera. I’m sad we don’t have more family pictures too.

What made me change ? I saw myslef in the miror with my daughter. I was admiring the cutest baby alive who was astonished by her image and loved looking at it. Then the man of my life came into room and put his arms around me. I looked back at him, my vision wasn’t only centered on my girl but on us. And it was nice. And it still is.

Note to myself : Don’t remain focused on a detail you don’t like, look at the larger picture and admire it. Don’t stick with a judgement you made too fast, accept to look at the whole image, as it is. 

Une réflexion sur “See, sense

  1. Pingback: Voir, percevoir. | Note pour moi-même

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