Karma

You have probably heard about karma ? A law about action and reaction, cause and consequence. Our acts whether they are thoughts, words or actions come back to us in the same amount of what we did, were they good or bad. We can find this idea in the Bible with « As you sow so shall you reap. » It’s more a code of conduct than something proven to exist, but I like blieving it because for me it is true.

With the health issues I was dealing with lately, I have known a moment of stress, fright and things in the same range. Add to that my habit of projecting myself into what’s worse, I simply finished by isolating myself. I was digging myself deeper and deeper into God knows what when I actually didn’t even know anything for sure yet. Luckily for me I have a man watching over me. After having spoken to people close to me I didn’t feel any better, but saying out loud what I feared helped containing those fears. Then, members of my family or friends of the family started getting back to me, asked how I was dealing with this and I was actually sincerely touched when I realized that those who had had bigger issues or are having them right now where somehow truely concerned about me. There’s no better way to question yourself, I’ll tell you that. I felt so selfish. But I thank them, because they helped me to move on forward. They were living proof that feeling bad for oneself, to isolate oneself in fear wasn’t the solution, but that you’d rather have to believe in life, in positivity or else you won’t ever moving on. ~ First clic. ~

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One thing leading to another, that reminded me that my father used to tell us « Word have a meaning use them for what they mean. » And that’s so true. You don’t realize what you put them through when using stupid teenage phrases (I used to end a sentence out of two with « what »). The lexicon of our language is so rich but we keep on always using the same vocabulary, choosing what’s easiest, often getting on with informal or even vulgar speach. We get trapped into habits without even realizing it. At first we use the same words, then you get trapped into a frame of mind, a way of seeing things, always talking in the same way to people, people about the same things with others. I we don’t try and look past it.
Words are an embodiment of our thoughts and lead to how we act. If we think in a negative way, we’ll speak in the same way and wil act in the same way. It’s a never ending spiral. A downward one. I am not saying that people with negative thoughts will end by killing someone or are crazy psychos. Often, we only hurt ourselves in the process, but that’s one person too many.
What I have decided to do recently is that instead of isolating myself in my fears, from others etc., I’d try and isolate that part of me that’s gone in the habit of being scared and of getting stressed over the tiniest thing. It’s bad for my health, I know, I’ve been constantly reminded of that recently. At first it made me angry so I let it slide off of me, but indifference, detachment only isolated me even more. Thinking I was worth better than people was not the right solution. I was not doing that, but basically it felt like that was what I was doing and I’m not proud. Detachment works but only for so long and the fact is that you are and will remain alone with that attitude. And that’s a shame. That’s how I see it. So I tried to see the positive in things. If I didn’t like what I was being told, I forced myself to see why I was being told that or if there was a brighter side that stood up in the light of what I was being told. Even if I didn’t want to hear that I shouldn’t stress, instad of getting angry over it and stressing myself even more, I’d focus on the fact I was being told that because that someone cared about me. ~ Second click. ~

The fact is that getting rid of a bad habit is a lot harder than picking it up in the first place. But you know what ? I didn’t find it too hard to pick up this good habit and it somehow balanced out my bad habit. I feel a lot more calm, I feel good. Ok I’m still far from being perfect, I still have my complexes and a long list of bad habits to work on, but I’m on the right track and as the Doctor said Monday : I have healed. I want to continue to live well both in my mind and my body, and I will !

Note to myself : Be the embodiment of what you want as an environment around you.

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